Domestic violence cannot be solved with just a word of advice or post-incident punishment. What’s truly effective is dismantling the key conditions before the “energy” accumulates to the point of violence.
“Root cause → Preventive mechanism”
Domestic violence usually doesn’t explode suddenly; it accumulates to a critical threshold.
| Forming Condition | Explanation | If Not Addressed, It Turns Into |
|---|---|---|
| Loss of control / sense of powerlessness | Feeling that one has no voice in the family, self-esteem is eroded | Using control or violence to “regain a sense of mastery” |
| Emotional blockage / inability to express | Doesn’t know nonviolent communication, anger accumulates | Replacing expression with aggression |
| Lack of exit space in the relationship | “Can’t leave,” life is bound | Violence escalates (because the other knows you can’t go) |
| Unequal power in the family | Economic / emotional / social control is dominated by one party | Long-term domination and oppression |
Starting from foundational prevention is far more effective than waiting to arrest someone after violence occurs — about 100 times more effective.
1. Create a “Safe Exit” in Advance
This doesn’t mean encouraging separation, but making the abuser aware that you have the freedom to leave.
→ Once they know the other person can leave, they are less likely to escalate control.
How to do it:
- Basic economic independence (even partially)
- A social support circle (1–2 trustworthy people)
- Possibility of temporary housing or safe space (psychologically sufficient)
2. Turn “I can’t handle this” into “I can speak about this”
Many abusers actually cannot describe their feelings and only express them explosively.
- Practice nonviolent communication daily
- Set a “psychological stop-loss point” before anger escalates
- Allow temporary removal from the scene (timeout)
3. Reduce the “Power Gap”
Violence is more likely if one party controls economics + emotions + social life.
- Achieve partial economic independence
- Share decision-making
- Maintain personal connections and independent life
4. Establish a “Pre-Crisis Mechanism”
This is often overlooked but highly effective:
- Agree: “Before I explode, I will first say a signal / keyword”
- Both parties agree to a “pause mechanism”
This is far more effective than calling the police after a fight.
In summary, the simplest principle to remember:
Domestic violence is not caused by “too strong emotions” but by too few exits and too large a power gap.
The best way to reduce violence is to restore exit options, communication ability, and power balance in advance.